This girl is more easily done than said...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
