Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
