Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
