Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
