please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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