we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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