FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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