Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
