Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
