there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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