Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
