Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
