i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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