first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
