There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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