ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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