Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
