i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
