Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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