just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
