I hate all girls vehemently.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Quick, to the slutcave!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
