okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
