Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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