I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
