Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
