38 yer olds are good kisserssss
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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