If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
