wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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