my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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