if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
