Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
