Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
