She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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