Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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