Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
