just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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