Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
