You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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