did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
