woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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