where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
