Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
