I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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