I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
