is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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