The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
