Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
