bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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