at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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