dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
