I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
