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• (386): View more from Florida

  No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.

  Fav 13 815 2237

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent

  Fav 18 951 5203

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.

  Fav 6 3753 1089

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I want her autograph on my taint

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• (914): View more from New York

  Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"

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• (415): View more from California

  I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!

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