I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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