Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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