Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He passed out mid-signature
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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