So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
