there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
