i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
