Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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