He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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