you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
