ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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