So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
