woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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