I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize