can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
