Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
