she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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