just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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