Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
