based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize