a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
