Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
