It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
