wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found the puke drawer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
