Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
