Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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