Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
