U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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