and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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