I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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