Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
