idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
