found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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