Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
