Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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