Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
