Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want to make out with him forever
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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