It's Friday. Sex?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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