she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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