Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
