My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
