I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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