I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
